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| This week has been adventures in outdoor work at my house. We have successfully dug out all the scary thorn bushes from the right side of the house and we are now ready to start gardening. In addition, we started to demo the downstairs bathroom, and I decided to start spring cleaning. I love that we are building the house up one step at a time together. A family project that we work on. I agree that sometimes it can be daunting to see that there is a lot to do. But when you start to conquer stuff it is really great. I have never had my own garden before, never had my own house to start a garden! In order to start my garden I first had to dig out these HUGE stick bush tree things that had 2 inch thorns. That was not pretty. Bill and I finally got them out though! Now I just need to know what to plant. I need suggestions. I want the garden to bloom and look nice from spring through fall, and it is basically a blank slate! What are your suggestions?!?! There is not a lot else going on. We are just laying low and hanging out. :) | | |
| I have to admit it. I am a perfectionist. Well, I like to say a recovering perfectionist because I have developed the ability to let a lot of things go. I think when you have kids, you have to. It is more important that they get to make a mess playing, than for me to see the vacuum lines on the floor. I also do not HAVE to have every single dish out of the sink before I go to bed anymore. I still like things a certain way, but we are making strides in the direction of letting go. At least as far as I can let things go. I also, don't freak out anymore when things are not the way I want them to be. (I have to clarify again, with MOST of the time. We all have our freak out moments, but for the most part I am not freaking out all that often.) I do think there is a misconception about me though. I do not hold other people to the same standards as I do myself. I might like to see vacuum lines in my carpet, but I don't care if you haven't vacuumed in a week! Unless, your house is a complete hazmat area I do not care how you keep it. To each his own. :) The reason I bring this up, however, is that this spills over though to everything in my life. I know that it has to do mostly with my "box" as Bill calls it. And no, I am not talking about that you dirty minded people. I mean the emotional box that I lived with for years, the one that holds my deepest fears, my secrets, the thoughts that I don't feel like I can share safely. The box used to contain every real thought I had. Every emotion I dared to feel, and never opened for fear of overstepping, oversharing or anything. In a lot of ways it was my internal way of representing the life that I had to lead at that time. Closed off from everyone, and everything out of fear and control. I have learned to live now with this box open most of the time. I don't fear speaking my mind, and I don't fear saying what I am thinking. BUT for some reason I do fear saying these things with emotion. (In my case most of the time tears because I am a cryer.) There is something about saying them out loud while crying, or feeling them that makes it too much for me and my little box just starts to close back up. (Disclaimer: There are a few people in the world that the box is completely open for and then I am just a mess, so thank you for helping to clean that mess up when I fall out of my little box.) BUT since I say things that i am feeling with such rational tactics, and not in an emotional way. I know I come off at times as callous, or rude. This crushes me because of course I am not intending to do that at all. I also, think it can make people feel like they are stupid, or being attacked or even that I have to be right, which is not the case. OR I am way off base and just putting way too much on how I affect other people who knows. I am totally basing this blog on that. Just openly telling the world to be patient with me, I can be a lot to handle emotionally, I have been through a lot, and it takes a lot to clean up that fear and that training where I have to live inside that box. I am light years away from where I was, but I am not totally healed yet. We are all a work in progress. Lastly, call me out on it. I learn from the people I love. I need you around me to tell me when I mess up. Here is thanks too..... Tania who calls me out everytime she thinks I am holding something in or "bullshitting" her. Laura who teaches me to let things go, and embrace the toys on the floor because it is more important to enjoy your kids. Jenney, who teaches me to me to sometimes put my SELF first and never back down. Chad for teaching me what brave is. Alyssa, who teaches me to be tough as nails, and go after what I want with a flourish and a smile. Adam, who taught me that grubby hands are sometimes the best to hold. Erika who shows me how to be convicted in who I am no matter what the cost. My mom and dad who taught me how to love, and taught me both ends of the spectrum, emotional and rational, and how to balance the two. Phebe who showed me that I had NO idea what love was until she was born, and Samantha for doubling that, and doubling everything I am. And lastly, especially Bill for loving me the way a man should love a woman, and showing me that I am worth it. So thanks, to all of you that are taking the time to understand me, and are helping to make me a better person. | | |
| There is always so much going on. So much drama, so much to do, and a life that always seems to get in the way of things that are really important. I love it when you are given the gift of time, or the gift of say a snow day. It is an interruption of the best kind. :) This week on the snow day the girls and I went outside in our 7 inches of snow and built half a snowman. We ran around, threw snow at the dog, and made snow angels. Once we were sufficiently freezing we all came in and had hot cocoa. I loved that I got a few hours of uinterrupted time with my girls. The cleaning waited and the laundry stayed unfolded as I played away. It was heaven. Here is my list of things that I want to remember about right now... 1. The way Phebe says animals as aminals. They very last thing she says like a toddler. The one thing I can hold on to from her baby days! 2. Samantha's mouth. Sounds silly, but her little lips are adorable at forming words. Some of my favorites: Shoor (sure) and Opabar for granola bar. Samantha still pronounces all her RRs as WWs. 3. Phebe's pumpkin face smile. She is missing so many teeth that she looks like a jack o lantern! 4. Samantha's new "Kit Kittredge" haircut, because she really is handy with the scissors! 5. Phebe's very own made up hot dog dance to the Mickey Mouse clubhouse. 6. The fact that Phebe has a guinea pig named Pepperoni, so Samantha had to name her unicorn cheese. 7. Phebe has officially entered her "trying to be cool" phase. This phase will probably end when she is around 29. 8. Samantha's current obsession with making snow angels. Her favorite place right now, the kitchen floor. 9. Rocking it out in my car to the Glee soundtrack, and yes we ALL know the words. 10. That they both still consider one of their favorite activities to be cuddling with us on family movie night. Last here is a few pictures of the dog.... for my mom. (We adopted her from my mom), just to show her that yes, she is spoiled...  
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| I think everyone out there knows now that I am trying to have another baby. When I was not trying ironically, I conceived 2 beautiful baby girls, and now that I AM actuall trying month three has rolled around and we are again trying. Don't get me wrong I don't mind the "trying" aspect of it. I just thought it was amusing. Now, since this is the first time that I am actively trying, I of course have been researching exactly when, and how and how often to try. For the most part everything is relatively the same. Just as you see on tv, put your legs in the air for 15-20 minutes once you are done. (Let me tell you that is exceptionally sexy, oh wait no it is hilarious.) Certain positions are better than others for conceiving. (If you really want to know which ones look it up!) I have read on every site that I have seen that every other day, during the right window of time is the way to go, but as my good friend brought up. There is a huge controversy over this. There is a camp everyday and a camp every other day. Both fit pregnancy and baby center back up the every other day camp. The camp with which I have been using :) But where are you everydayers? What do you have to say? What are the benefits of doing it your way? Yes, I really am curious. I love research, and I love knowing all the angles. Or as Tania would say. I just want to be right ;) | | |
| I do really have brilliant ideas for blogs. These really cool thoughts that float into my head, and sometimes I am even smart enough to write these ideas down before I forget them. Now of course, while I am sitting at the computer with time to type... Nothing. I attribute that to a life that is way too busy, and the fact that I have 3 seperate notebooks of lists and information going at any specific time and I don't have ANY of them with me. I have decided to consolidate... 3 notebooks: First notebook: My work notebook, the notebook that I need to carry around with me at church to jot down all the things that I need to remember for through the week. Second notebook: Writing ideas for my books, blogs, poems and short stories. Third notebook: The Notebook of lists that i carry with me everywhere so I don't ever forget everything. (Thus, if Blog was on my list of things to do then I could also jot down a blog idea on that list) Upward and onward, this week is a busy week in the Jones household. Phebe had girl scouts last night, where she earned a patch going to the Health Exploration station. It was really fun! Tonight, she is going to her biodad's house and I am making a cake for tomorrow! Samantha's birthday! I cannot believe she is going to be 3 tomorrow!! I officially, don't have a toddler anymore. I have a preschooler... How did that happen? No more babies and no more toddler. A preschooler! Crazy! This weekend we are having a birthday party for her. She wanted Pink! It is adorable, I have pink plates and pink polka dot napkins, pink candies, a pink cake! I am so excited for it! It is hard to have a party, but so much fun! I promise to take lots of pictures to post for you! Alright, going to check journals and then I am off to keep working! | | |
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